Nerves, guilt and a dose of anxiety – Three days til Blissdom

There are so many things going through my head.

I’m way anxious about leaving to go to Blissdom on Thursday. I haven’t started packing yet (I’m totally putting it off), but we have started prepping for me being gone. It’s the first time in Noah’s 10.5 months that I will be away from him overnight, and I am scared to death.

Bobby worries that I don’t think he’ll take good care of the kiddo, but it’s not that at all. I think they will probably have a blast.

Maybe I’m a little afraid they will have too good a time. Without me. That I’ll miss out on something big (like Noah going from occasional few-independent-stepper to full-time, bona fide walker). I’m afraid when I get back that he’ll be “over me,” as I told Bobby this morning.

But I can’t let those things stop me from doing something I’m looking forward to, something for me. And it’s oh, so tempting to do that. But I think part of doing that would be for ease and comfort; it would allow me to put off facing down fears and anxieties that have riddled me since I gave birth to Noah.

I have to do this eventually. And the sooner I do it, the sooner I get back to normal living. I hope.

I think it’s probably normal to feel some amount of guilt (specifically as a mom) when you do something like this for yourself. My blogging (and even my freelance, which is not that closely connected with my blogging, for the most part) is not supporting us. It’s mostly a hobby, something I enjoy. So going to a conference like this seems sort of frivolous.

It’s times like these, though, when I appreciate fully having such a supportive husband, who reassures me that he supports me and wants me to do things that will make me happy.

I think the challenge for me is going to be leaving the guilt and anxiety behind. I think a touch of excited nervousness is OK, and when it comes to the conference itself, that’s what I feel. I’m excited to meet new people and hear speakers on topics that I’m interested in. I’m looking forward to finding an item or two at the handmade marketplace. I’m hoping to make some connections that will benefit my blogging and freelance potential for the future.

Blissdom is definitely going to be a stretch for me, but I think it’s a stretch that needs to happen. I could let myself become a social shut-in and use Noah as an excuse for that, or I can start pushing myself. One of those will let me grow as a person and actually better myself. And I think it’ll actually help me be a better mother, because I will be maintaining my identity and showing Noah what it means to pursue your passions and dreams.

So I’m nervous and feeling a little guilty and anxious, but I’m also excited. Blissdom is going to be great.

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Do you like cute, hand-stitched/appliqued kids clothes or love to see a tutu on a little girl? Please be sure to check out my Blissdom sponsor, Eleanore’s Treasures!

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Please be sure to stop back by on Wednesday for an exciting (at least to me!) announcement regarding The Family Math!

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3 responses to “Nerves, guilt and a dose of anxiety – Three days til Blissdom

  1. I think Blissdom will be a great place to confront some of your anxieties. You’ll be surrounded by (mostly) women that share your passion and get you. You will definitely miss home, but in a good way. I don’t even do freelance, so this really is a big indulgence for me. But I’m choosing to view it as a retreat of sorts, something that will renew and inspire me. Hope to meet you there!

    • Thank you! I hope it will. I think if I can just let myself relax and enjoy it that it will be a really wonderful experience. Everyone I’ve talked to online who has been or who is going is so friendly and supportive.

      On the freelance thing … I have a background in newspaper/magazine writing and editing, so all my freelance is related to that. It’s been a lot more difficult to break into freelance opportunities related to my blog, but they have started to pop up here and there, and it’s exciting. I’m glad you are getting to “indulge” in Blissdom, too, and I hope it does renew and inspire you.

      Hope to see you there!

  2. You are going to be jusst fine. I imagine that so many moms are feeling the exact same way you are. I say push yourself. This is a great opportunity for you. Let yourself shine and soak up all that goodness that they’ll be teaching you. You belong there.
    xoox

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