Hint: Noah wins.
Category Archives: Parenthood
I had the day off work Monday, and Noah’s daycare was open, so I had a nice chunk of time to myself, a rarity these days.
I took advantage of the time to spend about an hour browsing baby clothes and Target and working on a freelance assignment. I had the luxury of sitting and chatting with my interview subject for two hours over coffee.
As I was driving home around lunchtime, I started thinking about how rare it is for me to have (mostly) guilt-free time to myself.
Oh, mommy guilt.
Don’t get me wrong. Bobby does a great job of making sure I can take a break when I need one, but that doesn’t keep me from feeling bad about leaving the baby with him. Or not wanting to spend every free waking moment with Noah.
And honestly I could have kept him out of daycare on Monday, but it was an easy choice for me to send him. I can’t get as much done when I have him with me, and leaving him with Bobby wasn’t an option because Bobby had to work.
So what I was thinking as I was driving toward home was that maybe I should start taking a day or a half-day off work occasionally, just for me. The idea seems so extravagant.
My average weekday goes something like this: Get up, shower, get Noah up and dressed (alongside Bobby), feed myself and Noah, stuff diapers, pack him in the car. Drop him at daycare, go to work, eat lunch at my office (parking is a pain on campus while classes are in session). Pick Noah up from daycare, come home, cook dinner or part of dinner, play with Noah, Skype with Bobby’s parents, feed Noah, help get him ready for bed. Once Noah’s in bed (usually no later than 7:30), I typically spend some time catching up on writing for my blog and freelance and also housework and bills. By the time all this is done, I’m pretty much ready to just spend some time with Bobby or veg in front of the laptop. It’s pretty rare for me to go out and do anything on weeknights.
The weekends are a bit different since I don’t have to work, but they are often the time to catch up on all the stuff I’ve let slide during the week. And while Noah has become a bit more independent, he still requires (and, at times, demands) a lot of attention. The weekend just never seems quite long enough to get everything done.
There are so many things I want to do, and now that there’s a baby in the picture, it has gotten a lot harder to make time for those things. But I know it’s important that I continue to work at it.
Other moms, how do you manage to balance everything? Do you ever just take time off for yourself?
I’ve been seeing updates about this whole Jay-Z/Beyonce baby business, and I seriously feel sick.
Apparently the music stars rented out a floor on the hospital where Beyonce had her scheduled c-section and felt the need to enact such extreme security measures that families with babies in the hospital’s NICU unit were not allowed to see their children.
As a former NICU mom, I have a hard time even describing how this makes me feel. Infuriated. Anxious all over again. A little lightheaded.
More than anything I feel such heartbreak for families who are already dealing with an incredibly stressful situation having to deal with this shit. Because that’s what it is. Shit.
I think back to when Noah was in the NICU, and we had to wait at a door to be buzzed in just to see him. We weren’t allowed to pick him up at first. I wasn’t allowed to breastfeed him. And then, when I finally was, we walked in to find a nurse we had never even seen before giving him a bottle before his designated feeding time.
We had hardly any control whatsoever over our relationship with our son that first week.
NICU makes you feel like the baby doesn’t even belong to you; it belongs to the hospital. The hospital makes the rules for when you see it, when you can’t see it, when you are allowed to touch it, when you are allowed to feed it. So for someone to be able to place even more of those rules on parents simply for their own comfort is so incredibly unfair.
I don’t care how much money you have or who you are. It’s indecent to allow someone on your payroll to behave that way. And it’s absolutely wrong for the hospital to allow this type of behavior at all just for the sake of money.
I can hardly believe that I am actually having to start thinking about my child’s first birthday party.
This can’t be right, can it? Time can’t possibly have passed this quickly.
I’m sort of debating what we will do for his birthday. He won’t remember it, obviously, but we are definitely going to do something. Bobby and I initially talked about have a party here and one back home, then it was just going to be one party back home at a centrally located park.
But really, is that even necessary? Now I’m thinking maybe we’ll just have a little get-together for immediate family — Bobby’s parents, my mom, our brothers and sisters, and Noah’s cousins.
Honestly, I think if we just give the kid cake and let him crawl (or maybe walk, by that point) around and be the center of attention, he’ll be happy. He really doesn’t even need any more new toys, and it’ll be much easier on us to organize something small.
But I think I’m sort of feeling the pressure to perform as a mom. I see other moms who are doing these really amazing themed parties for their babies, and it makes me want to do that, too. If I take a second to think about it, I realize that most of these moms are in a situation where there is either an older sibling, family members close to their child’s age or several friends who have kids close in age.
It’s hard to cast aside that desire to compete, to make sure my child has the best I can give him. And that’s just kind of silly. Noah will be just as happy with a small family gathering as he would a huge party. I will be able to focus on him rather than decorations or party favors or ensuring 30 other people are happy.
I think my decision is made.
If you are the parent of a young child, have you gone this route? How did it go?
Today’s prompt: When you sit down to write a post, do you get dedicated, devoted time? Are you surrounded by distractions, mental or physical?
When I first read Fadra’s prompt for today, my immediate reaction was, “Ha. Hahahahaha. Oh, that’s funny.”
I really don’t get a lot of undistracted writing time, but when I do I like to crank out several blog posts at once. I think that’s probably how a lot of moms do it.
A good example of what my writing time usually looks like: As I sit here now, I have a cup of coffee on my right and a babbling baby on my left. He is saying, “Ma ma. Na na nu nu. ah ah ah ah.” And he’s throwing every toy I hand him into the floor. Pleasant. And incredibly distracting.
I also write a lot of posts during my lunch hour at work. That’s a little less distracting, but there’s always the potential for being interrupted since I’m still working away in my office. It’s a little easier though.
There are those rare nights where I set aside time after Noah’s asleep (usually on nights when Bobby has gone out to do something), and I feel like I probably get the most writing done on those occasions. Of course, I’m also easily distracted without extra help from baby or hubby, so I often turn to the internet, television or a book (Harry Potter, of late …so worth the re-read) to put off writing.
And there’s likely the crux of the issue. I would get a lot more done if I wasn’t a procrastinator and a bit lazy. I like to waste time doing mindless stuff. Part of it might be because I write as a profession, so I spend a lot of my work time writing. But the bigger part really is just that I fill my time at home — my free time, mind you, not time with Noah and Bobby — with sort of pointless stuff a lot of the time.
Well, now I need to figure out what to do about it. I guess it’s good that I’ve put it out there, but I kind of feel like I’ve put it out there before and nothing’s changed. So hopefully I will be able to start making some small changes. Eh, who knows?
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post at All Things Fadra.
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
The kiddo looks less and less like a baby and more and more like a little boy, and it makes this mommy sad.
But he’s getting more and more fun, too. He loves crawling around and exploring. He LOVES the walker his Granny got him for Christmas. And the child loves to eat.
He now has at least five teeth that have come through his gums. He may have more, but it’s next to impossible to tell because he hates having his mouth messed with. We made it through our first major sickness over Christmas and New Year’s — he had bronchiolitis and a double ear infection, but he was still just as sweet and happy as he could be.
Anyway, here’s a cute video of him trying out his walker for the first time!
Ever since Noah had the diaper-rash-from-hell-that-refused-to-go-away, Bobby and I have been in the practice of giving him a little “naked time,” most nights. Basically he crawls around without a diaper on for a few minutes, and we laugh at home funny he looks pulling up on various pieces of furniture while bare-bottomed.
But this. This had never happened.
I was waiting for Bobby to run Noah’s bath and decided to go ahead and take off his clothes and diaper. I set him on the floor and turned back toward the changing table for a moment, I guess to gather up his dirty clothes from the day to toss into the laundry hamper.
And then I heard the tell-tale grunting.
“No. No, no, no. Oh, shit.” I looked at him. I looked desperately back at the changing table. I looked at him.
And I did the only thing that came to mind that could possibly keep us from getting poop all over the rug in his nursery. I picked him up, ran to the bathroom and held him over the toilet.
Not particularly graceful, but it was effective.