Prospective fatherhood

Misty wants me to write about what I’m feeling. She’s just over 16 weeks into this whole pregnancy thing, and I think she’s getting more and more used to it. However, I’m getting more and more terrified.

I have never been a big worrier. I grew up in a household where one of the parents was a constant worrier, but I’ve always sort of figured that things would work themselves out in the end. That’s not the case anymore. Now that my wife and I are expecting our first child, I worry constantly. I worry about money — about providing for the baby, for my family. I worry about the baby’s health. I worry about Misty’s health. I worry that I won’t be a good enough father, that my own health problems will increase and I won’t be there to see my child grow up.

Don’t get me wrong. I am incredibly excited about becoming a parent. I will love this child unconditionally, and do my best to be a good parent. But I am scared — scared that I’m not up to it. I’m trying to do everything I can to prepare, but I also know that it’s not going to be enough. There’s going to be a lot of learning everything on the fly, and I’ve got to be ready for whatever comes.

That said, I’m SO happy we’re having a baby. Yes, it’s terrifying. But it’s also such an amazing time. I see my wife settling into that “glow” that pregnant women get — that certainty that their body is fulfilling one of its main functions. There is a peace about my wife that hasn’t been there before, and it’s a beautiful thing to see.

As for me, I’ve been trying to become much more … competent, I guess would be the correct word. I’ve found myself putting together baby furniture, fixing doors and (soon) replacing our worn-out kitchen flooring. I know I’m not prepared for what’s coming, but I’m doing my best to get things together.

So those are MY feelings.


One response to “Prospective fatherhood

  1. we just had our first baby and my husband felt the same way…he is certain that pregnancy is NOT 9 months long for the baby to develop, but for the husband to have time to adjust, mentally prepare, get used to the idea, etc! you will be a fabulous father 😀

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