Misty wants me to write about what I’m feeling. She’s just over 16 weeks into this whole pregnancy thing, and I think she’s getting more and more used to it. However, I’m getting more and more terrified.
I have never been a big worrier. I grew up in a household where one of the parents was a constant worrier, but I’ve always sort of figured that things would work themselves out in the end. That’s not the case anymore. Now that my wife and I are expecting our first child, I worry constantly. I worry about money — about providing for the baby, for my family. I worry about the baby’s health. I worry about Misty’s health. I worry that I won’t be a good enough father, that my own health problems will increase and I won’t be there to see my child grow up.
Don’t get me wrong. I am incredibly excited about becoming a parent. I will love this child unconditionally, and do my best to be a good parent. But I am scared — scared that I’m not up to it. I’m trying to do everything I can to prepare, but I also know that it’s not going to be enough. There’s going to be a lot of learning everything on the fly, and I’ve got to be ready for whatever comes.
That said, I’m SO happy we’re having a baby. Yes, it’s terrifying. But it’s also such an amazing time. I see my wife settling into that “glow” that pregnant women get — that certainty that their body is fulfilling one of its main functions. There is a peace about my wife that hasn’t been there before, and it’s a beautiful thing to see.
As for me, I’ve been trying to become much more … competent, I guess would be the correct word. I’ve found myself putting together baby furniture, fixing doors and (soon) replacing our worn-out kitchen flooring. I know I’m not prepared for what’s coming, but I’m doing my best to get things together.
So those are MY feelings.