Struggle

Butterfly and cocoon

Photo from starampglobal.com.au.

I’ve heard a story before about how it’s important for a butterfly to struggle to get out of its cocoon in order to be strong and able to fly once it’s in the real world.

So I guess I should be thankful.

Coming off antidepressants has not been a walk in the park. The first couple of days were a breeze, but then I think my system realized something was up, and the hormones that had been held in check for months decided to have a little party in my brain.

It’s not as bad as it could be, but I have felt a lot of pressure, stress, anxiety in the past week. I’ve found myself being increasingly short with Bobby. We’ve fought more this week than probably any other single week since I started on the meds. I’ve done my share of crying. And with Christmas looming, I’ve been thinking about my dad even more than usual, which doesn’t help.

But I’m not breaking. Bobby has been so supportive and has let me know (gently) that it’s OK if I need to start taking the meds again. And I was able to talk to him about where I am — to tell him that I know, that I will if I need to but that I’m not going to take an easy out. I knew coming off them would be difficult, and I’m making it OK so far. Not easy, but OK.

I do think it will get easier. My body will slowly get all its chemicals more straightened out, and I’ll be able to go through my days without the near-constant tension that comes from anxiety and depression.

In the meantime, I am reminding myself to take deep breaths and enjoy the happy moments. It does my heart good to have weekends like this past one, where Noah was about as sweet as I could imagine, where he wanted Mama to put him down for his naps and didn’t mind when I cuddled him a few extra minutes each time.

Life is good, even if it’s hard. And I think it’s getting better every day. One day at a time, and I’ll take a few steps back if I need it.

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5 responses to “Struggle

  1. I wish you strength as you struggle with this. I am hoping that you are under dr care if things get too tough. There are ways to slowly back out of medication just sayin. I know you know that but it is the Mom I’m me . Good luck you have a great guy helping you!

    • Thanks, Cindee. I did come off the medication slowly, under the direction of my doctor. I think it’s just taking me a little longer to adjust to being completely off of it. And Bobby is a great guy! 🙂

  2. I wish you the best of luck with it. I actually just started. And it’s like a breath of fresh air I didn’t know I wasn’t getting.

  3. Hi, Misty –
    Good luck – whatever you choose. I’ve been on Celexa for just about 3 months now. I feel SO great. But I do have these moments where I wonder if it’s all fake? I mean I was happy before, but now I’m carefree. Sometimes that scares me. Is that necessarily a good thing? My plot is to keep taking them till I have time to figure out a natural way to feel this way — like the yoga I used to do FOUR TIMES A WEEK – like I’ll ever have time for that again!
    Anyway, I think you’re very brave to try coming off. I might question you when I try myself!

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