I’ll just be honest and say I’m posting this because I need reassurance.
I’m feeling so incredibly anxious about Blissdom (for those who don’t know, it’s a blogging conference I’m attending in February in Nashville). I literally said I would be attending Twitter yesterday because I hoped just knowing other people expected me to be there would entice me not to back out of going. I haven’t even officially signed up for it yet, but I’m already getting that terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I don’t think this is regular anxiety. I think it’s PPA-related. I love meeting new people and trying new things.
But as I think about it, I imagine sitting by myself in a roomful of people who are all laughing, who all have things in common, who have met or chatted on Twitter or Skyped before. I think about breaking the “rule” that crying in the bathroom is not allowed. I think about how much I’ll miss Noah and Bobby and that I wish I could just take them both with me.
And the knot from my stomach is in my throat now.
I want to go. Bobby is encouraging me to go. I’ve even had one person (hi, Fadra) already promise me a hug.
But this little voice tells me I’m not cool enough. That people will just be annoyed by my anxiety and nervousness. That I don’t belong there.
And I want to belong there. I want to experience the community everybody who’s been raves about. And I’m afraid I’m going to be the one missing out.